I Love to Edit Papers, But Not If You Can't Handle a Criticism That One Sentence Can't be 7 Lines Long.

Seriously. I really do like to edit papers, so if you want another reader for anything you have to turn in just let me know. In the most non-conceited way, my teacher for my Honors 150 Writing class just told me I make very good critiques and such. So yeah, send them on!

Unless you are like this kid that I just edited a paper for.

We do group critiques for Honors 150 before we turn papers in, and we just wrote research papers on whatever topic that is interesting to us. Mine is on the Causes of Narcissism (dum dum dum, oh yeah, I'm a psychology major), but this person ,who will remain unnamed so that it doesn't haunt my possible political career later in life, wrote on the advantages of private companies and space travel.

And that's fine. I'm all for Trekies writing on what they love. However, if I am to look over your paper and tell you what I think, I am not going to argue with you about stupid things you can't handle others telling you. Such as, when we say, "You use the word propulsion about four times in the same sentence, but in different ways. You should try to think of other synonyms that could be used instead so it is not distracting," do not shoot back "Well it's the only way I can say it!"

Seriously. All I heard from this guy was, "Most people just won't understand my research because it just goes over their heads anyway," or "Well I can't cite it because if I do, I'll have to quote the entire three-page long proof." What are you talking about?

No, last time I checked, you are writing this paper so others will understand. Stop trying to sound like you have a doctorate in physics, you're just a Trekie in a Freshman writing class. And that second quote just doesn't even make sense. No wonder his paper was jsut generally awful.

I should have known in the beginning. With his these statement that was one long, seven-lined sentence, it was going to be tough. Also, it came at the end of a paragraph that was over a page long. Really? Are you serious with this?

People need to be able to take criticisms without thinking others are just attacking their very soul. Quit being defensive, we're trying to help you get a better grade.

Normally, I'm not this annoyed or critical of another person, but he was just ridiculous!

Anyway, I really do like editing papers. So, if you want help with one, just send it to me and I'll tell you what I think.

If You Ever See Me With a Daily Universe, It'll Be a Wednesday to Read About BYU Weekly Crime.

Yes, it's true. The only reason I'll read the BYU newspaper on a regular basis is for Police Beat. This is the weekly summary of the juiciest crime on campus. And let me tell you, BYU get can get pretty devious.

Actually, it's probably the most ridiculous thing you can read. Seriously, it's a campus with a bunch of Mormon crazies. That, or it's people who actually live in reality and if they want to do something criminal, they know how to get away with it. The BYU police probably does not have much experience with organized crime...but that's just a guess. For some reason, I think most of their experience lies in slowing down speedy guys on bikes or telling a kid who wear a cloak and sings that he's distrubing the peace.

Every so often, we'll get a really juicy one like this:

"A female student was cited for shoplifting in the BYU Bookstore. The student stole $3.69 worth of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. When asked why she stole them she said that she thoguht they were overpriced. When searched officers found $72 in cash on her person."

Really? That's all you've got? Seriously, I bet that same day someone was sneaking a triple combination out the door, or maybe slipped a new CTR ring in their pocket. This girl must've been hella dumb for not being able to get away with freaking candy. Not that I'm advocating crime, because I'm not and am glad she got caught, but she just sucks at crime lol.

She'd probably have turned herself in a couple days later anyway.

A couple of my other favorites for the week follow here with commentary.

"A student called BYU police when she ntoiced three suspicious males walking around a parking lot. When police responded they determined that the suspicious males were actually grounds crew who had been picking up trash."

Ok, this girl thought these three men were suspicious? They were picking up trash. She must have an awful case of paranoia if three guys picking stuff off the parking lot are suspicious to her. Wrappers and empty Sprite bottles are exceesively dangerous if used in a criminal setting, but Heaven forbid that she would see them pick up a caffiene Coke can! I'm sure she'd have a heart attack.

So, I was trying to decide which is better for my last one, but they're both great so I'll let you decide.

"A resident of Heritage Halls called BYU police to report a group of men playing basketball and listening to loud music at 12:30 am. BYU police told the men to stop playing and go to bed."

Because your basketball skills and (probably) hip rap music are spiritually harming some innocent soul on a Friday night. We all know it's illegal to play basketball after 10:00pm anyway, because that is the same time that everything closes in this Happy Valley.

"A male student posted fliers on female dorm halls asking for dates to satisfy a dating requirement for his marriage preparation class. The fliers not only violate BYU policy but were disturbing female residents. Police discovered that the student was not enrolled in that class and the professor he said he had has retired."

I this guy is hilarious. That's a funny idea, and I'd love to be there when he tells his dates that he's really not in class and is just desperate. Then again, he could just go to BYU speed dating for people who can't get dates. After all, the slogan there is "Meet people who are in your same situation." Yes, please. Acquaint me with others who cannot get dates either. We'll all be desperate together.

I also wondered why it would violate BYU policy to post fliers to ask for dates. I think I figured it out, though. Ask one girl on a date, date her exclusively, then temple. ASAP. We don't have time for trying others out.

I Know It's Rather Late to Mention This, But I'm Still Quite Upset That "Rehab" Beat "Umbrella"

Seriously, "Rehab" has nothing on "Umbrella" for best new song or whatever. And, while I try to be grammatically correct on this blog, I don't want to type out those quotation marks anymore. So, I won't.

But yes, I was rather surprised when crackhead took home all those grammies. Especially when she wasn't even there and half the time is in no condition to perform since she's slipping under the influence.

Like, really Amy? Really? You only need to watch the first minute of this minute to see.



What the crap is she saying?

Don't get me wrong, I do like Amy. But for real, she needs to quit listening to her own songs and take a sober person's advice.

My main argument about why Umbrella should have won is that all sorts of people did covers of it, it was played so often, and really is just an amazing song. Rihanna, Scott Simmons, and even this band sang it at their concert:



Yes, that is My Chemical Romance, live, singing Umbrella. It's a wide range of genres covering this fantastic song.

And Rehab is okay, but I don't think it's as high quality. Yeah, I know it basically came out of Winehouse's journal, but whatever.

Umbrella wins in my book. So there. Take that, Academy.

Arson at a Bon Fire Earns About.....No Cool Points

I went to see the movie Mad Money today. It was a really good movie, and it starred Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes (I think), the first two of whom I am a huge fan. I certainly recommend it.

After returning to my apartment, Moe and I decided to tag along with some people from the ward (for non-Mormons, that is a set congregation at an LDS church) that were going to have a bon fire. I really wasn't excited, but decided to go anyway because a) I didn't feel like doing my laundry and b) I haven't been to a bon fire yet this year and figured I should just to say I went.

The first location was blocked off, so we ended up going to some cabin resort area in the canyon and they built the fire on couple feel of semi-packed snow. And by semi-packed, I mean it was hilarious to watch the group ahead carefully step on the surface with a random one or two dropping knee deep. I could probably watch it all day, especially if one of them is wearing sandals. True story.

So we were there, and I must say we witnessed some of the most retarded things. The winner was the idiot that decided it would be cool to toss the bottle of lighter fluid into the fire with the remaining fuel still inside. Smart, guys. We're all huddled around a fire, and you want to earn your nightly cool points with arson and waste. Oh, and pollution from the melting plastic. Then I remembered I'm in a freshman ward, and some people may not have had sufficient frontal lobe developement to understand that this is a bad idea, and no one will laugh or think you are as hot as you apparently think you are. But anyway, they tossed it in, the fire suddenly grew, everyone jumped back, and I feared for my hair for a second (hairspray).

And then this idiot tries to explain to us that there was no reason to be afraid because it was impossible for the plastic bottle to explode from the lack of pressure. Shut up, wigger. We know. Regardless, a mass quantity of lighter-fluid in a bon fire is not a good idea if everyone is standing close to the fire, especially when everyone will be tripping over the snow to avoid getting their eye brows singed.

People this weekend basically annoyed me, so that's why I may sound more cynical than anything. It'll get better though, promise, lol.

Mmm..... eating a thawed out, pre-cooked chicken teriyaki breast is a delicious midtime snack. The outside burns your mouth, yet the inside is perfectly frozen! Happy mediums are certainly not desireable at this hour.

I love Tracy Chapman. Certainly, she is one of my all-time favorite music artists. And I love this video of her singing, so you should watch it. Love.